Happy Monday, my beloveds!
Well, yes, so sue your professor.* She missed you this weekend, but sunshine, farm animals, and a snuggly sofa beckoned. Hopefully you thought good and hard about who you would smackupsidethehead or how you would enjoy sexytime Saturday.
Today, it’s sort of a two-fer. Since Professor President Barack Obama was re-elected on this past Tuesday, many very very rich white dudes have been totally losing their shit, like whoa. They’ve been laying people off just to be dicks and also threatening the following:
“Attention poor folks who work so hard that you are too tired to make dinner! Your shitty delivery pizza is about to cost more. Meanwhile, I am living in my giant mansion house and swimming with dolphins I imported to live in my salinated swimming pool, I am such an ignoramus that I discount the fact that I rely on workers to make said pizza and dollars.**”
So, today on Put it in Your Mouth Monday, we are going to learn how to slapthosea-holesupsidethehead, culinary stylee.
How to make your own super-tasty pizza in (seriously) less than 30 minutes.
1 cup of flour (your professor utilizes whole wheat because she’s all earthy crunchy like that)
one packet of yeast (or 2 1/4 tsp)
a generous 2-3 tbs of oil of your choice
2/3 c very hot water
salt (about a 1/4 tsp)
sugar, if you like, about a tsp (you can also use honey or agave or whathaveyou, or leave it out. still works)
Preheat yo oven to around 475ish.
mix all this up until you have a serious pile of goo. Then, add a little more flour and knead it in the bowl. Repeat this step a few times until you have a workable dough.
Take a pizza pan (or a cast iron skillet, which does wonderful things) and grease it. Don’t be stingy like a pizza executive, oil that shizz up.
plop the pizza onto said pan, put a little oil on your hands and mush it flat until you have a pizza crust-shaped object.
Now, the next steps are up to you:
Top it with all manner of things that you might eat on a pizza. Traditionally pizza things are good. So are bits of leftover chicken or whathaveyou from yesterday’s dinner.
Stick it in yo preheated oven and bake for 15-20.
Put it in your mouth. Tell the man he can fuck right off, and think about starting a pizza restaurant of your own that supports the local economy and pays a fair wage to workers and gives a shit if they get sick. Just a suggestion.
in love and fair wages and health care and pizza,
*note: as she is a professor, she has zero dollars.
**shorter version: “I am an asshole, and don’t give a shit if all my workers die of cancer or cough TB germs all over your food.”
special bonus lecture of the day, via Professor Justice Sonia Sotomayor: