Good morning my beloveds,
Now Sunday is the lords day to some beloveds, and your Professor is totally down with that. Also, your Professor believes that God don’t like ugly. In her never-ending quest to make the world an in general nicer place, your professor believes that some people need a loving smackupsidethehead from time to time. “You do not know what nice is!” *smackupsidethehead* stop it. When the Professor snaps her riding crop in someone’s direction, mostly it is just for emphasis and she is only playing. A smackupsidethehead is a more serious business. SNAPOUTOFIT! BOOOOOOOM! Headshot. Because in general your Professor is about love, not war, she reserves this for only Professors of Terribleness.
This week, her chosen Professor of Terribleness is Tod Akin (Retrograde) of the lovely state of Missouri, which is home to lovely lovely things like Kansas City barbecue and the grave site of Charlie Parker (Bird, to his beloveds, and the epitome of what a nice version of “Almost Like Being in Love” is). Todd Akin has been in the news a lot as of late. He is one of those people your Professor likes to call famous for terrible reasons. Todd Akin is famous for telling a fellow senator of the United States of America that she was “no lady”. He’s also complained that his current opponent in the election was much more “ladylike” the last time she ran against him. Most recently, he has declared himself a doctor of lady things, and has said that in the case of “legitimate rape” the odds of pregnancy are so low because the vagina is a magical place that gets pregnant or does not get pregnant based on. . .you know what I don’t know what the holy fuck this could be based on. For an excellent piece on Todd Akin and his general need for a smackupsidethehead, check out this article:
Then feel yourself fill with maddening ladyperson rage. (or, depending-on -how -you -self-identify-rage)
“Wait”, my beloveds might be thinking “You are Professor Lady Person Badass. Did you not just contradict yourself by calling out someone for using the term ‘ladylike’ “? No, beloveds, no I did not. Because I self-identify as a lady person, but I think that part of this self-identification is being able to behave however I damn well feel like it. I believe in a little thing called word-reappropriation, beloveds. Which is why I will sometimes say about myself “does a bitch have to smacksomebodyupsidethehead?” See, for a very long time, “bitch” has been a bad word and has hurt, and continues to hurt a lot of women. A few years ago, your professor was internet bullied. One of the hurtful words that was thrown at your Professor by non-beloveds was “bitch.” Searching for solace on the interwebs, your professor came across something that changed everything. It is your extra special lesson of the day, the very, very important “Bitch Manifesto” written by fellow badass Jo Freeman in 1968.
196fucking8, beloveds. The only other thing I have to say is:
Until tomorrow, sweet dreams of a world with no shit to protest,
PLPB, femme, lady, bitch and whatever else I please, dammit.